So no shit, there I was, facing off once again against Torquil the Black Bull, bane of my clan, when out of the woods stepped the oddest assortment of creatures a man had ever laid eyes on. Leading the procession was a Fey creature riding a rainbow unicorn, mane Sparkling in the wind. A man with a Fear-some visage riding a blue unicorn was next to follow, though the beast moved oddly. Another unicorn Swiftly galloped to join the others, tossing its head irritably when the rider called out “Whoa, Maude!” A stag and a moose (each bearing riders) burst from the woods, pursued by a man wearing Silvertoed boots and riding a dire wolf.
And then the most fearsome creature known to man entered the clearing. Venom dripped ominously from wicked spurs on its legs. A huge mouth gaped open, surely able to crush the skulls of its victims. A flat tail, near unto a beaver’s, slammed the ground, shaking the earth as it approached. Yes, my friends, it was the… Dire Platypus!
Taking advantage of the confusion, I jumped onto the back of the Black Bull. Surprised, the Bull charged Maude. The rider swiftly drew her sword and spurred Maude back into a gallup. A fence ran between us, and as we neared each other, the rider struck at me. I belatedly swung back, but the Bull had already carried past the duo. At the end of the fence, I brought the Bull under control, but the rider charged me again. The Bull, never one to meet a threat any way but head-on, fought off my hand and flew with reckless abandon down the fence-line again. Seeing no other choice, I struck my opponent a mighty blow.
The others found this to be great sport, and soon my fields were trampled to mud by clashing opponents. And to my great surprise, the Fey broke a glamour on the blue unicorn, which was revealed to be a brace of dire chihuahuas. Although I did my best to drive these mysterious creatures off my land, it was not until the Fey emerged victorious did they finally leave.
And that, me laddies, is why the land at Seige of Talonval is so torn up.